and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
