The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
