my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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