hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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