happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
