Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
