are you still at the devil's house?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize