dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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