im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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