every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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