I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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