that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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