Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
