my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
