I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
