God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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