you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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