i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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