ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize