I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
