I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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