I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
