What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
