this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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