but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
