A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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