dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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