So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
