mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize