I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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