theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i came on her dog
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
