I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
