Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
