I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
