I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
