did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
