Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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