either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
