Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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