so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
