I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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