Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
