You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
