I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
