Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I will pee on everything he values.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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