mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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