They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
