the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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