at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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