your parents love me but you hate me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
