after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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