Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
