I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize