My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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