I cannot find my penis.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize