Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
