she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There's always time for handjobs
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
