Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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