Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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