All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
