Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize