I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
