dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize