Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
