so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
