I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
