In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
