Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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