It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
