What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is Oprah even human
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
