mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
