i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
