i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
