you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His nipple licking is glorious
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