He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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