she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i now understand why vodka
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize