Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
