You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
