sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am mentally ready for anal.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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