dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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