can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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