i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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