If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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