I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
