Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
