The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
