I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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