Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
