i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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