I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
