Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize