You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
