i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
