Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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