Will you blow on my dice?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
