You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize