dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
