Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize