i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
