i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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