I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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