I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he thought i was a dude.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Can you bring me the toilet please
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
