I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and she was petting her beer can
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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