guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
