Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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