i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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