okay pat passed out under dana's car
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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