your parents love me but you hate me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
