Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
