A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
